Shattering the Blame: Why Clothing Doesn’t Cause Sexual Assault
The sober truth is no one wakes up in the morning, steps into their closet, and says— Hmm…let me pick out the outfit I’m going to get raped in today! It’s absurd.
“What were you wearing?”....“I was wearing a business suit…” I replied sharply as I felt anger rise up in my throat. My face grew hot. Internally, I beg my eyes not to well up with tears….
Has anyone had the audacity to throw this horrible question your way regarding your sexual abuse…” If they have, I’m so sorry. I know how you feel. This question is so callous, and is a prime example of victim blaming. It’s cruel and uneducated. Clothing is not why a rapist, rapes. Sexual abuse and rape are crimes rooted in power, control, and violence. So often, as survivors, we are asked questions similar to this, which blame us and not the perpetrator, where it belongs.
Sadly, one of the most persistent and damaging myths surrounding these crimes is the idea that a victim's attire provoked the attack. The sober truth is no one wakes up in the morning, steps into their closet, and says— Hmm…let me pick out the outfit I’m going to get raped in today! It’s absurd.
This misconception blames victims, kills their credibility, and shifts attention away from the actual perpetrators. In reality, sexual violence is about power and coercion, not clothing.
There’s a sexual assault survivor’s art exhibit called “What Were You Wearing?” originating at the University of Arkansas in 2013, which has since been displayed in cities around the world, challenging this painful question head-on. When you walk through the exhibit, you don’t see short skirts or revealing clothing that many might assume; you see everyday outfits—jeans, sweatshirts, pajamas, business suits, oversized hoodies, overalls, school uniforms. These are the actual clothes survivors were wearing when they were assaulted.
The exhibit forces people to confront an uncomfortable truth: what someone is wearing has absolutely nothing to do with why they were attacked. Sexual violence doesn’t discriminate—it affects people of all genders, ages, and backgrounds, regardless of what they were wearing. And society needs to stop pretending otherwise.
I think it’s easy for some people to fall into the trap of asking the wrong questions: “Were they flirting?” or “What were they wearing?” When people ask these things, they’re not just being insensitive—they’re continuing to uphold the damaging culture of victim-blaming. These questions are distractions from the real issue. Sexual abuse is pure evil, and it’s chaotic and devastating. It’s an uncomfortable and deeply unsettling subject, and many people don’t have the emotional capacity to behave with compassion and sensitivity. I know it’s painful to deal with ignorance, but we have an opportunity to stand up for ourselves and respond with the truth.
Here are a few possible responses that can be given:
The truth is, it doesn't matter if I was in a t-shirt and jeans or a party dress—what matters is that a crime was committed against me. The sole responsibility lies with the perpetrator.
I genuinely hope you never have to walk a day in my shoes. I am not responsible for the criminal choices of another person. That person chose to rape me. The sole responsibility lies with the perpetrator.
Sexual violence is about power. I deserve empathy, not judgment. The sole responsibility lies with the perpetrator.
Date Rape: Yes, I went on a date. They exploited my natural desire for connection. However, I didn’t asked to be raped. The sole responsibility lies with the perpetrator.
No one deserves to deal with this gut-wrenching question; however, if you do, remember that for every bold truth we provide to the ignorant, we are one step closer to changing this damaging misconception.
Prayer: Dear Lord, please give me wisdom and peace to answer the accusations and ignorance with truth. You know the truth, Lord. I know what happened to me is not my fault. Help me to heal from the pain and grief the abuse has caused in my life. You are the Healer, in the mighty name of Jesus, I pray, Amen.
Social Support:
Having a strong support system is essential to the healing journey. Whether it’s family, friends, or organizations like Trees of Hope, being surrounded by people who genuinely understand can make all the difference. Supportive relationships foster a sense of safety, understanding, and connection, reassuring survivors that they are not alone.
At Trees of Hope, we equip survivors with tools for healing and walk alongside them with care and hope. Explore our upcoming Shelter Groups in South Florida, Melbourne, Orlando, North Carolina, and New Zealand. If you’re outside these areas, check out Shelter Online, tune into our “Not Just a Hashtag” podcast, or check out our YouTube Channel @treesofhopefl. All of our resources are designed to support you, wherever you are!
2025 Susan B. Anthony Project/ What Were You Wearing? What Were You Wearing? — Susan B. Anthony Project