HEARTS Wide Open—The Battle We Must Wage

Recognizing that our children and today’s young people are at risk of greater levels of darkness and danger, we must be diligent in educating ourselves and intensifying our efforts to protect them. God has entrusted children to our loving guardianship and guidance—a divine responsibility of profound magnitude. Following the example of Jesus, we’re called to be shepherds who watch over, protect, provide, and guide our children with exceptional care. Shepherds remain present and do whatever it takes to fight off potential predators. In 1 Samuel 17:34-36, we see a strong example of a shepherd in young David. Not only was he faithfully keeping his father’s sheep, but when a lion or bear carried off one from the flock, he went after it, struck it, and rescued the sheep. A shepherd knows their sheep well and goes to great lengths to secure their well-being. Living among them day and night with eyes wide open enables them to have a keen awareness and knowledge of each one. We, too, must follow this valuable example. We cannot skillfully shepherd our children if we aren’t present and in pursuit of knowing them well. 

As guardians, we must live with our eyes wide open. But there’s more needed. We must also live with our hearts wide open. Relationships are everything. Yet we live in a culture where many adults are more preoccupied with pursuing selfish gain and prioritizing self-care, only to watch children suffer from the lack of our presence. Our whole-hearted presence. Even parents under the same roof can be “absent” from building strong relationships with their kids. We can be faithful in meeting physical needs, but often fail to meet their emotional, spiritual, and relational needs. Fail to see and hear them. Fail to create space to ask thoughtful questions about their life and their feelings.

Careful not to just lecture or lay down rules, but to invest deeply into a relationship with each one. And with grace and patience, listen. Matthew 12:34 tells us, “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” If we want to know the heart of our child, we must lean in and listen carefully to what flows from their mouth. This takes intentionality and investment. We may not always agree or like what we hear, but we must be a safe place where they can vent, wrestle, and process life. Of course, discipline and loving leadership are essential. They need protective boundaries. But if our idea of protection only looks like rules, curfews, and consequences, we’ll lose our kids to the influences of others. As the wise saying goes, “Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.” And rebellion always leads to greater vulnerability. 

Every young person hungers for authentic connection, but if they find none at home, they will seek it elsewhere. One of the prominent places where kids are seeing a “sense of connection” is the digital realm. The internet deceptively leads them to believe they’ve made alliances they can trust. Alliances beyond their family and those who shepherd them. Sadly, it’s often here where they’re led into a digital world that can wound them. Or they find others (both young and old) who provide the attention they crave. Even child abusers and traffickers take exceptional measures to give attention, build relationships, and create a false sense of intimacy and trust with their prey. If we forsake the intentional building of deep, meaningful, and authentic relationships with our kids, they will seek attention elsewhere. This is a potential danger we cannot ignore.

If you find yourself struggling to gain a strong connection with your child, wrestling with their rebellion, or growing weary with the wall they’ve built, leaving you with silence, don’t lose hope. Our Great God has the power to redeem relationships—even the most distant or damaged. But to build or rebuild a healthy relationship will require significant sacrifice, effort, patience, and unceasing prayer. Likely, even prayer and fasting. Most of all, priority and perseverance. Never give up on your child or on God’s ability to do the impossible. Jesus tells us in Mark 10:27, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” *For greater support and guidance, consider contacting your church’s family ministry. Other respected resources include Focus on the Family (focusonthefamily.com) and FamilyLife Today (familylife.com).

If you read the previous blog and realize you’re witnessing disturbing changes in your child’s (or another’s) behavior along with persistent “indicators,” it’s time to act. However, be very cautious not to overreact or become emotional and assume more than you actually know. Now is the time to be even more diligent in prayer, and then use exceptional care when approaching your kid. Seek an opportune time in a comfortable, quiet setting where there will be no distractions. Approach them with sincere concern about your observations, followed by thoughtful questions to discern if your concerns are confirmed. Listen intently. Observe their body language carefully. And do your best to be a safe space where they can respond. Realize their response may be silence or full of an adverse attitude and emotion. If the response is negative, do not rise to their intensity. Instead, extend another peaceful attempt to express your concern. Express your love for them, why you’re concerned, and the potential dangers in their midst. If you gain confirmation that some form of abuse or “grooming” has taken place, you may need to contact law enforcement and/or a trusted church leader or organization who can assist you with next steps. Remember, it’s vital to believe them. No matter what, believe them.

Beyond our children, we must also be willing to keep our hearts wide open to all the young people in our community and circles of life. They need us, too. With the breakdown of the family, single-parent homes, economic pressures, long working hours, and commutes, families are becoming increasingly disconnected. This leaves far too many children vulnerable. We need more eyes and hearts wide open to the children, teens, and young adults around us. So much is hidden and not easily seen in public that would alert us to a young person being sexually abused or trafficked. While there are various signs a child might be in trouble, often it’s not just about knowing the signs, but knowing their story. And it takes a relationship to know their story. We must pay attention to those we’re close to—our kids, students, athletes, tenants, patients, co-workers, congregants, and neighbors. We must approach each one with our hearts wide open to get to know them better. The greater the knowledge, the greater the advantage we have to discern danger. And whether they are our child or not, be a willing shepherd, watchful and ready to do whatever it takes to fight for their precious life. Jesus has shown us the way, and He fights for them with us.

Visit the Trees of Hope resource store to explore all the resources available for individuals affected by sexual abuse, and for parents looking for support and guidance. 

If someone you know is being trafficked, contact the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-888-373-7888 (text: 233733) and/or check out their website to find resources and help at humantraffickinghotline.org  

We're excited to share that a new resource aimed at preventing child sex trafficking will be coming to Trees of Hope this Fall 2025! Stay tuned for more updates!