8 Crucial Conversations Parents Must Have with Their Teens Before Sending Them to College

As students head back to college campuses this fall or are even flying the nest for their first year at college, parents are busy helping them prepare with everything from dorm supplies to tuition payments! Amongst all the prep and planning, at the forefront of every parent’s mind is the safety of their now not-so-little ones while they are away from home and from their protection.

Worryingly, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 5 women and 1 in 16 men are sexually assaulted while attending college. That being said, having conversations about sexual abuse with your college-bound teenager before sending them off to campus really is crucial for their safety, well-being, and awareness.

Here are eight important topics to cover to help you do just that:

1. Healthy Relationships: Discuss what healthy relationships look like, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect, trust, communication, and appropriate boundaries. Teach them to recognize red flags for potentially abusive relationships before they happen, and encourage them to talk to trusted friends and family and to seek support if they or someone they know finds themselves in an unhealthy relationship.

2. Alcohol and Drug Use: Address the role of alcohol and drugs in cases of sexual assault. Make sure they understand that being intoxicated impairs judgment and can leave them much more vulnerable to exploitation. According to the Association of American Universities (AAU), “65% of sexual rape and 66.7% of sexual touching incidents included offenders who were drinking,” and between “67% and 90% of women who suffered non-consensual penetration were drinking themselves”. In addition, 3% of victims reported that a substance was slipped into their drink. Encourage your teens to be able to have fun as a student whilst being aware of the dangers of alcohol and drugs and of their surroundings. Likewise, inspire them to look out for their friends - together they are stronger. (Source: Helping Survivors) 

3. Setting Boundaries: Teach your teen to set and maintain personal boundaries, and to assert them clearly and without apology. Discuss strategies for saying "No" and standing up for themselves if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Advise them to also respect others' boundaries as they would their own.

4. Reporting and Support: Ensure that your young adults know how to report incidents of sexual harassment, assault, or abuse on campus. A horrifying number of sexual assaults on campus go unreported, especially if the victim has been under the influence of alcohol or drugs, thinks that they will not be believed, or feels ashamed about the incident.

   Familiarize them with the campus resources, such as counseling services, the National Sexual Assault Hotline, and Title IX offices that can provide support and assistance. Not only can this help them but the others who may go on to be assaulted by the same perpetrators. In addition, the more incidents are reported, the more this epidemic of sexual assault in colleges can be addressed.

5. Online Safety: Discuss the risks of online communication, including sexting and sharing personal information. Encourage your teen to be cautious while using social media and dating apps. They are well-known to be an easy place for perpetrators to target people and what feels safe online may not be in reality.

6. Trusting their Instincts: Teach your teen to trust their instincts and intuition. If something feels wrong or uncomfortable, they should not hesitate to remove themselves from the situation and seek help immediately. If a situation doesn’t feel quite right, it most likely isn’t. Offer them an opportunity to communicate openly with you and be a resource when they feel unsafe. Also, discuss with them the concept of having at least 1 trusted friend/professional on campus who they can go to if they are concerned about a situation or person. 

7. Understanding Consent vs. Coercion: Ensure your teen understands how sexual abusers use coercion or manipulation. Sexual violence often starts without physical touch and can include threats, pressure, emotional manipulation, stalking, and indecent exposure. Physical contact is not necessary for an action to be considered a sexually violent act or an act of sexual misconduct. Empower your teen with the information they need to detect early warning signs of a sexual abuser so that the abuse does not escalate. 

8. Encourage Open Communication: Let your college-bound teen know they can talk to you about anything, including difficult or uncomfortable topics. Make sure they understand that you will support and believe them if they ever experience sexual abuse or harassment. Instill in your teen a sense of empowerment and self-respect. Advocate that your teen treats others with respect and empathy while also valuing their own worth and autonomy.

Remember that these conversations should be ongoing, not just a one-time talk before college. Building a foundation of trust and open communication will help your child feel more comfortable discussing important issues with you throughout their college experience and beyond.

Trees of Hope offers prevention guides for teens that can help them to understand and prevent sexual assault. Royal is a teen girl’s guide, and Saint is a teen boy’s guide to sexual abuse prevention and body safety. Each includes a parent guide to facilitate conversations with your teen. They are in magazine format and in a style that is appealing and accessible to teens, so they will not feel like they are doing even more study! A great way for them to access them is to spend time with a friend reading them through and discussing the topics as they go along.

If you or a loved one has experienced sexual abuse, Trees of Hope offers resources and groups for all ages. Thorn (for teen girls) and Nobleman (for teen boys) are free guides for healing from sexual abuse. 

If you are over 18, we recommend the healing study for adult men and women. Check out the healing resources and studies for adult survivors offered online and in person by Trees of Hope.