The Wound No One Wants to Name: Part Three
Mutual, Not Forced
Mutual consent requires two willing hearts—anything less is not covenant, it’s control.
There are some wounds the church speaks about freely—addiction, betrayal, family strife, grief. And then there are wounds we lower our voices to discuss. Wounds that hide behind wedding vows. Wounds that sit quietly in pews on Sunday morning.
Marital sexual abuse is one of them.
Welcome back to part three of our series called The Wound No One Wants to Name.
When Scripture Is Misused
For too long, confusion about the following Scripture has left Christian women carrying pain they were told not to name. A passage meant to protect marital intimacy has, in some cases, been misused to coerce and pressure silence. A teaching designed to guard unity has been distorted into something that creates deep wounds.
1 Corinthians 7:3–5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Let’s approach this passage of Scripture with historical context, humility, and honesty. We do not find coercion, but covenant. Not entitlement—but mutual, self-giving love.
Correcting Confusion in Corinth
The apostle Paul is addressing practical questions related to marriage raised by new believers in the city of Corinth. These Christians, in their efforts to walk faithfully, struggled with extremes—not too different from us.
They swung between “anything goes” sexually to “maybe we shouldn’t even have sex within marriage.” Paul is addressing these extremes with wisdom, teaching them to recognize that when emotional and physical distance grows between husband and wife—especially when not mutually agreed upon—it can open the door to unnecessary temptation. His correction is not rooted in demand, but in love and care: a call to tenderly consider one another and to cherish and nurture their relationship.
Consent Requires Two Willing Hearts
Mutual consent in marriage is rooted in shared authority and voluntary self-giving. Mutual consent requires two willing hearts. Mutual implies respectful agreement. Marital rape is the exact opposite. Marital rape reflects one spouse exerting power through force, pressure, intimidation, or control. To suggest that Scripture condones such behavior is to misrepresent the very character of the God who calls marriage a holy covenant of love.
Preserving Marriage at the Cost of a Soul
It is heartbreaking that some victims of marital rape are told to simply “endure it.” Far too often, women are counseled to focus on the fact that their husband may be a good provider or a devoted father and are urged to view sexual access as part of their marital duty. These words, though sometimes spoken with the intent of preserving a marriage, can deepen wounds and silence suffering.
In Closing
If you're sitting in a church that misuses, misrepresents, or perverts the Word of God, RUN!!! If you are sitting in a church where Scripture is twisted to excuse abuse, hear this clearly: that is not the heart of God.
You are not overreacting. You are not rebellious. You are not “less spiritual” for naming harm.
At Trees of Hope, we offer safe, confidential support for women navigating spiritual and marital abuse. Whether you are ready to speak openly or simply need a quiet place to listen, there is room for you.
You can join one of our online support groups from the privacy of your home or attend an in-person Shelter group where compassionate, trained leaders walk alongside you with clarity and care. These are spaces where Scripture is handled with integrity, where your story is believed, and where healing is pursued without pressure or shame.
If something in this series has stirred recognition in your heart, don’t silence it. Reach out. Step toward safety. Join a group.
Healing begins when the wound is finally named.
Prayer
Dear Lord, I can’t hide this anymore. Pretending I’m okay when I’m torn to shreds inside is way too much to bear. I’m afraid. Help me to seek the help I desperately need. Give me the courage to name the abuse and seek safety. Please be my Protector, my Deliverer, and my Healer.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
