The Wound No One Wants to Name: Part Two
When God’s Design Is Distorted
Submission was never meant to silence a woman—it was meant to reflect the safety of being deeply loved.
A Word to the Wounded
If you landed on this article today, you are entering part two of a three-part series called The Wound No One Wants to Name.
My desire is to reach the Christian woman who has endured the devastation of marital rape.
To the woman whose voice was silenced because someone misused Scripture and told you that your body existed only for submission, I want you to know first and foremost: you matter, your suffering matters, and God sees you.
When we talk about marriage, sexuality, and submission, we must approach Scripture with care, wholeness, and reverence for God’s heart. We cannot isolate verses or strip them of their meaning or context. Paul describes marriage as a sacred mystery—one that reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church. That context is essential. Today, we’ll address a common passage of Scripture that has been misused to silence marital rape: Ephesians 5:22–24.
Understanding Submission in Its Full Context
We find this teaching in Ephesians 5:22–24:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
To the modern woman, the word submit can sound harsh or outdated. When misunderstood, removed from its full context, or weaponized, it can feel deeply unsettling—even painful. But biblical submission is beautiful when coupled with love, sacrifice, and protection. It’s easy to submit to a godly man who models the love of Jesus Christ.
The Call Placed on Husbands
However, when the next few verses are conveniently left out of a Bible teaching, things tend to go sideways. The next verses speak directly to husbands and their spiritual responsibilities:
Ephesians 5:25–33:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
This love is not a feeling; love is a verb. It’s active, not passive. Love is deeply sacrificial. Christ is the perfect example of sacrificial love. Christ does not dominate or overpower His Bride (the Church)—He lays His life down for her. He nourishes, cherishes, protects, and gives Himself fully for her good.
Sexual Intimacy as a Sacred Picture
Sexual intimacy within marriage is a sacred picture. For those new to Christianity or unfamiliar with this teaching, that may feel surprising—perhaps even uncomfortable. So take a breath and stay with me.
Sexual intimacy within marriage is meant to be a reflection of something holy. It points beyond itself. It is a picture of the intimacy we are invited into with Jesus Christ. This is why He is called the Bridegroom, and we are called the Bride.
And this is precisely why the enemy attacks it at every level.
I believe Dr. Julie Slattery expresses this concept so beautifully in her book God, Sex, and Marriage:
“God created sexuality and marriage as a physical experience that reveals to us the spiritual truth of how He loves us. Think for a moment about the way God designed the physiology of sex. The man is aroused by love and initiates union with his wife. When she feels safe and loved, her body opens to allow him to enter into her and they physically become one. Through the intercourse of becoming one, the man deposits seed in the woman that has the capacity to bring forth life.
Now let’s apply this as one divine metaphor to Jesus and the Church. Jesus initiates love. He sees His Bride as beautiful and pure because of His love for us. When we, the Bride, understand His love and protection, we receive Him. He abides in us, becoming one with us. Our union with Christ includes the deposit of the Holy Spirit within us, giving us the capacity to bring forth spiritual life.”
Sex in marriage is holy—holy and meant to be a mutual celebration of love and unity with one another and with Christ.
Abuse Is Not God’s Design
A man was never meant to harm his bride. He was never meant to violate her body through violence, coercion, or manipulation. Marital rape is not love—it’s a massive distortion of God’s design. It’s a desecration of the sacred image God established to represent His relationship with the Church. It’s wicked.
Submission within marriage was never intended to silence a woman’s voice, strip her of agency, or excuse abuse. It’s not permission for violence. It’s not a mandate to endure violation. God’s design for marriage does not include fear, domination, or the breaking of a woman’s will. It is meant to be a holy and beautiful union.
To the One Who Has Been Wounded
If this teaching on submission has been used to wound you, please hear this clearly: God does NOT approve of marital rape or any abuse. God doesn’t force you to love Him, nor should a husband force his bride into sexual relations. The Lord draws near to the brokenhearted, binds wounds, and restores dignity.
Your body is not disposable. Your consent matters. Your story matters. Healing is possible, and truth has a voice—even if it was silenced for a time.
This conversation is about honoring Scripture fully. When understood rightly, God’s design for marriage reflects safety, love, sacrifice, and mutual honor. And in that design, abuse has no place.
If you’ve been told that submission requires enduring sexual violation, that teaching has wounded you deeply. Marital rape is abuse. It is NOT biblical love, and it’s not your burden to carry in silence.
Trees of Hope exists for moments like this—offering faith-rooted, trauma-informed healing groups, survivor studies, and prevention education that restores truth where distortion has taken root. Whether through a structured healing study, like Shelter From the Storm, or educational tools for your church, there is a path forward that does not require you to ignore harm.
When you are ready for light to break through confusion, I encourage you to further explore our website to learn more.
Prayer:
Dear Lord, Your Word and Your picture for marriage is a beautiful love story to humanity. Thank You for knowing me and seeing me. Draw near to me in my pain. Heal my broken heart.
I ask You to help me develop discernment when something seems out of place, misused, or unsettling in a Bible teaching. Please give me a check in my spirit so strong I can’t ignore it. I want to grow in my understanding of You and Your Word.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
