The Pink Elephants in Our Soul

Bringing the Hidden Places Into the Light

Healing does not begin with having all the answers. It begins with truth—with bringing what happened, what we feel, and the questions we still carry honestly before God.

There are certain things within our souls that exist, though perhaps not everyone is aware of them. God is undoubtedly aware of them, and we know they are there.

For those of us who experienced sexual abuse as children, there may be places within our souls we have learned not to visit. We may not talk about them. We may not even want to think about them.

We may cover them with busyness, ministry, relationships, achievement, humor, theology, addictions, anger, isolation, or other ways of coping. Yet these non-mentionables are like holding a ball underwater. They are the pink elephants in the soul—the things we carry with us, even into God’s presence, while acting as if they are not there. Holding them down takes energy and disrupts our lives.

At Trees of Hope, we recognize that what happens beneath the surface matters. A tree may look healthy from the outside while something is happening deep within its roots. Our souls can be much the same.

Maybe it is a memory we have buried, a question about why someone did this to us, shame over something that was done to us, confusion about what happened, anger toward the person who abused us, fear that someone might find out, a sense that our body betrayed us, or a belief that somehow we were responsible.

Or perhaps the deepest question is:

“God, where were You when this happened to me?”

For many survivors of childhood sexual abuse, this question can become one of the pink elephants we carry into our relationship with God and others. We may talk to God about everything except that.

God Already Knows

One of the strange things about hiding something from God is that it has never been hidden from Him.

Psalm 51 says that God desires truth in the inward parts.

God doesn’t discover our story when we finally tell Him. He already knows. He knows what happened. He knows what we remember and what we don’t remember. He knows the shame we carry, the questions we are afraid to ask, the places where we still hurt, and the ways we have learned to survive.

The invitation is not to give God information. The invitation is to let God meet us in the places He already knows. Prayer is relational and conversational. It is bringing what is already known to Him.

Jesus says, “Come to me,” and describes Himself as gentle and humble in heart. He is always inviting us closer, and He never moves away from us.

You may notice resistance. You may notice fear. You may feel nothing at all. You may want to change the subject. You may become angry. You may even wonder whether God can handle the truth.

That, too, is worth bringing to Him.

We don’t have to correct ourselves before speaking to the One who loves us and already knows. We can simply begin with what happened.

“God, I am angry. God, I am ashamed. God, I am confused. God, I don’t understand why this happened. God, I don’t trust people. God, I don’t trust myself. God, I don’t know what I remember. God, I feel dirty. God, I feel responsible. God, I wish it had never happened. God, where were You? God, I need You to meet me here.”

These honest statements are not evidence of weak faith. They are evidence of a faith willing to be honest before God.

Job gives us a beautiful picture of this. He brought his pain, questions, anger, and confusion directly before God. He did not have everything right, but he was willing to bring his whole self into the conversation.

Start With the Truth of What Really Happened

Healing from childhood sexual abuse does not begin with pretending it didn’t happen. It does not begin with having all the answers. It does not begin with forcing ourselves to forgive.

It begins with truth.

We sometimes think prayer begins with the right words, but it doesn’t. It begins with honesty.

The Psalms give us a picture of people speaking to God with remarkable honesty. They cry. They question. They lament. They confess. They rejoice. They plead. They worship. Sometimes they are simply silent. They bring their actual souls to God.

He invites us to do the same.

“Jesus, this happened to me.”

“Jesus, I didn’t deserve it.”

“Jesus, I was a child.”

“Jesus, I am still affected by it.”

“Jesus, I don’t know what to do with what happened.”

Honesty doesn’t push us away from God. It can draw us closer to Him. When we seek Him in the depths of our souls, we can discover that He will meet us there.

An Invitation

This is where soul care begins—not with pretending, fixing, minimizing, or explaining, but with bringing our whole truth into the presence of the One who already knows and loves us completely.

For those of us who experienced childhood sexual abuse, healing may begin by allowing the pink elephants to emerge from the depths, bringing them to the Lord first, and then cautiously into safe community.

We don’t have to uncover everything at once. We don’t have to force growth. A tree grows over time, through seasons of nourishment, pruning, rest, and new life.

We can begin letting Jesus meet us in the rooms of our souls that we have been afraid to enter.

“Jesus, here I am, and this is what happened to me.”

This is a courageous first step toward healing. There are so many who have gone before you and are cheering and praying for you. You are not alone. He is with you, and we are here for you. Be kind to yourself and step toward the One who loves you the most.