Growing Through the Hurt: Maturing in Healing
Growing Through the Hurt
“Scripture becomes more than instruction. It becomes a blueprint for healing, maturity, and restored relationships.”
Many sexual abuse survivors struggle with self-regulation and impulse control. This part of the healing journey takes work. We often open our mouths too quickly and say something we regret. As we grow through the pain of sexual abuse, Scripture becomes the guide that matures us and strengthens us on our healing journey. Imagine a world where everyone on the planet subscribed to the Bible passage of James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. The impact would be astounding. There would be fewer broken hearts, more intimate relationships, and a more connected community. Let's look at each principle together–
Swift to Hear
James is giving counsel to all believers. Be “swift to hear,” this is so much more than just listening. The application of this Scripture has layers. Being swift to hear is about having a heart and a hunger to understand and obey God’s Word. Listening to understand empowers us to become action-oriented Christians. We’re called to be doers of the Word, not just hearers of the Word (James 1:22). When we become doers of God’s Word, our relationships greatly improve.
God wants us to be swift to hear Him as well as others. This allows us to be teachable. A teachable person keeps a humble heart and views setbacks as an opportunity to learn lessons. In our Shelter healing groups, those who are teachable have the most profound transformations. If you would like to learn more about upcoming Shelter Healing Groups and when new groups are forming, additional information is available here.
When we’re swift to hear others, we’re able to keep the mindset that says, “What can I learn from this interaction?” “I want to listen to better understand and build intimacy in this relationship.” This practice honors the speaker and is at the heart of fruitful communication. Proverbs 18:13 (NIV) teaches us that “to answer before listening—this is folly and shame.”
Slow to Speak
Before walking through healing, I would be quick to verbally assassinate anyone I felt was about to wrong me. I burned a ton of bridges along the way. Not the healthiest of behaviors. What else does the Bible say about being “slow to speak”?
Proverbs 18:2 (NIV) tells us, “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Wow, leave it to the Book of Proverbs to cut to the chase! Have you ever wished you could literally catch careless words from stumbling out of your mouth, or is that just me?
Being slow to speak is a learned and practiced skill. Taking the time to understand what has been said, rather than jumping to respond, may require divine intervention from the Holy Spirit. We can pray, “Close my mouth, Lord,” as an internal whisper to the Spirit. Just think of the improved communication we’d have with God and others if we can master this Scripture.
Slow to Wrath
And finally, there’s slow to wrath. In Christianity, we often use anger and wrath interchangeably, but they’re not quite the same. Anger is a necessary and proper moral response to injustice. People should be angry at the wickedness of sexual abuse. As moral beings, we want and even expect society to be angry with injustice. This is why we’re drawn to stories where good triumphs over evil. It’s not a sin to be righteously angry. The Lord tells us, ‘Be angry, and do not sin:’ do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Eph. 4:26–27).
However, sustained human anger motivated by pride can turn to wrath. And that’s where the enemy wreaks havoc in our lives. We’re to be slow to wrath because it leads the soul into bitterness, raging revenge, blinding hatred, and even into long-term unforgiveness.
It’s incredible how one verse can carry so much practical and healing wisdom. This Scripture becomes more than instructions—it becomes a gentle blueprint for spiritual maturity, deepening intimacy with God, and strengthening our relationships as we grow through the wounds of sexual abuse. When we lean into Scripture, step by step, God faithfully guides us toward deeper wholeness and steady wisdom in our healing journey.
Pause: Reflect on your communication with God and others. Do we listen to understand or to respond? Do we seek to learn from your interactions? Do we think before we speak, or do we speak too quickly? Do we ever let righteous anger turn to wrath?
Practice: In conversation, especially with those who trigger you: breathe deep, stay calm, and remember this verse before you say a word.
Pray: Dear Lord, I want to be a person who is swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Only Your Spirit can empower me to live this way. As I practice these principles, please help me grow in my level of intimacy with You and others. Help me to reflect Your character all the days of my life. I love You, Lord. Amen.
Additional Resources for Healing and Spiritual Growth
Learning to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath takes intentional practice. Growth in discernment, emotional regulation, and Christ-honoring communication often happens gradually, as Scripture reshapes our responses and deepens our awareness of both God’s voice and our own patterns.
While community-based healing can be incredibly powerful, we also recognize that not every woman is in a season where participating in a group feels possible or appropriate. Healing journeys look different for each person, and God meets us faithfully in private spaces as well.
For those seeking individual resources to deepen their relationship with God while continuing the healing process, Trees of Hope offers additional options.
Shelter Online provides the trusted Shelter curriculum in an online format, allowing women to engage with the material at their own pace and in their own space.
The Reclaim Devotional offers a gentle, Scripture-based resource designed to support daily reflection, spiritual grounding, and continued healing, especially for women who are beginning their journey or needing steady encouragement along the way.
These resources are not community-based, but they are still meaningful tools God can use to bring clarity, restoration, and deeper intimacy with Him.
