When Words Wound: Healing the Echoes of Self-Loathing
Words Have Power
“They can wound us, define us, and follow us for decades—especially the words spoken over us in moments of deep vulnerability.”
Do you remember that childhood saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”
Looking back, it’s hard to imagine we ever said that with a straight face. We chanted it on playgrounds and in classrooms while bullies threw insults like grenades—each one aimed to shatter our self-worth. The idea that words don’t hurt? That’s not just untrue—it’s dangerous.
Words have power!
Words have tremendous power. They can wound us, define us, and follow us for decades—especially the words spoken over us in moments of deep vulnerability, like during or after sexual abuse. But some of the most damaging words don’t even come from others—they come from ourselves. I’ve spoken things over my own life that break the heart of God. Maybe you have, too. If that’s true, I want you to know: you are not alone, and there is a way forward.
Proverbs 18:21 tells us:
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
In other words, our words carry consequences. If we use our tongue to speak death—self-loathing, criticism, or despair—we will bear the fruit of that destruction. But if we speak life, truth, and identity rooted in Christ, we begin to heal.
Luke 6:45 reminds us:
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good… For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
What we say often reflects what’s happening beneath the surface. When I hear myself tearing myself down or speaking harshly about others, it usually traces back to three deeper issues in my heart:
Lack of gratitude — I’m struggling to really appreciate life on life’s terms.
Unbelief — I forget that God not only loves me, He likes me. That His heart towards me is good.
Lack of trust — I’m impatient with God’s timing, convinced He’s late.
These heart conditions often drive the most toxic narratives we rehearse. But here’s the good news: you can begin to speak differently—and live differently—because you are a new creation in Christ Jesus.
At Trees of Hope, we walk survivors through the process of identifying these harmful inner dialogues. We teach how to confront the lies, replace them with God’s truth, and begin living out your identity as someone who is redeemed, seen, and deeply loved. Our healing groups offer support for those wrestling with self-hatred, shame, anger, and confusion over what it means to be a new creation. You don’t have to stay stuck in old thought patterns. Healing is possible—and you’re not alone in the journey. We invite you to seek healing by enrolling in one of our Shelter Healing Groups, Shelter Online. Not sure you're ready for that step? Join us on our podcast as we talk through real-life struggles and victories that come with healing from sexual abuse. You can also watch these episodes on our YouTube channel.
Words can build up or tear down. They can align with God’s truth or echo old trauma. The more we bring our self-talk under the authority of Christ, the more we walk in freedom.
What might shift in your healing if you began to speak to yourself the way Jesus speaks about you?
Pray: Dear Lord, please help me to speak kindly to myself. Show me where my negativity stems from, am I not trusting You, am I lacking gratitude, or is there unbelief in my life? Help me to speak life and truth to myself and others. Thank You for loving me so well. In the name of Jesus, Amen!
