Numbing No More: Stop Numbing Out- A Guide to Actually Feel Your Feelings

Let’s be real—most survivors are experts at avoiding their feelings. We distract ourselves with Netflix, scroll endlessly on social media, develop unhealthy addictions, or bury emotions under the phrase “I’m fine.” But here’s the thing: avoiding feelings doesn’t make them disappear. They just simmer beneath the surface, waiting to bubble over. And when they do, it’s not pretty!

If feeling your feelings requires more courage than you can muster, give yourself grace. For many survivors, this is something we have to relearn. Think of it as re-parenting yourself. This skill should have been taught to us in childhood. But really…did our parents even grasp their own emotions? Did they express emotions healthily? As you can imagine, dysfunctional families don’t model this skill very well.

Unfortunately, many of us were taught to suppress emotions or keep our feelings hidden so we wouldn’t reveal family secrets. To avoid numbing out, we first have to identify our emotions. Are we scared, sad, anxious, angry, or just overwhelmed? Naming our feelings can make them less intimidating, like shining a flashlight into a dark corner of a room.

Next, we need to acknowledge and accept our feelings without judgment. This part can be a bit tricky because we often label emotions as “good” or “bad.” But feelings are just feelings; they’re not facts. Usually, what we label as “bad” emotions are actually valuable teachers. These emotions can help reveal our hearts and show us what still needs healing. Ask the Lord if there’s something deeper behind these emotions. For example, anger, which we tend to label as “bad,” is often a mask for something much deeper, such as the pain of rejection, fear of abandonment, or grief and sadness. With Jesus by your side, permit yourself to feel what you feel with genuine curiosity, not shame. Curiosity about the underlying reasons behind your emotions can lead to some shocking insights.

Feeling your feelings isn’t just an intellectual exercise—it’s physical as well. The body keeps the score. Emotions live in the body. Maybe your chest tightens when you’re anxious, or your shoulders tense up when you’re angry. Sometimes, these sensations occur before you can process the emotion and allow yourself to sit with them. Breathe deeply; don’t run to numb the feeling. Let the emotion pass. Researchers have found that an emotion's physiological experience lasts about 90 seconds. I know this isn’t always easy for a survivor. But all feelings have a beginning, middle, and end. They'll naturally move through you when you resist the urge to suppress or fight them. You don’t need to fix or solve anything—you just need to feel and pray.

Please understand that by “feeling your feelings,” I am not advocating a victimhood mentality. As survivors, before we heal, we can tend to swing to extremes. We might go from being completely numb to idolizing every single one of our feelings, where our identity becomes one of victimhood. Our feelings and past experiences don’t define us. God does. Our identity is given to us by Jesus Christ. His sacrifice on the cross proves He values us and loves us with an everlasting love.

The big takeaway? Feeling your feelings isn’t weakness—it’s strength. It’s how you show up authentically for yourself and others. So, the next time you’re tempted to shove those emotions aside, try leaning in instead. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s so worth it. 

Pause: What’s one emotion you’ve been avoiding lately? How does your body respond to different emotions, and what can you do to listen more closely to those signals?

Pray: Dear Lord, please give me the courage to sit with my uncomfortable emotions. You know, I would much rather avoid these painful feelings altogether, but that’s not healthy. I believe with all my heart, You are with me. You’ve said you will never leave me or forsake me (Deut. 31:6). I’m in desperate need of Your peace and Your comfort. Teach me to have grace and compassion for myself as I learn to practice this. I humbly ask this in Jesus' name, Amen.

Social Support:

Having a strong support system is essential to the healing journey. Whether it’s family, friends, or organizations like Trees of Hope, being surrounded by people who genuinely understand can make all the difference. Supportive relationships foster a sense of safety, understanding, and connection, reassuring survivors that they are not alone.

At Trees of Hope, we equip survivors with tools for healing and walk alongside them with care and hope. Explore our upcoming Shelter Groups in South Florida, Melbourne, Orlando, North Carolina, and New Zealand. If you’re outside these areas, check out Shelter Online, tune into our “Not Just a Hashtag” podcast, or check out our YouTube Channel @treesofhopefl. All of our resources are designed to support you, wherever you are!