Facing the Storm: How Grief Leads to Healing After Sexual Abuse
You Can’t Heal What You Won’t Face
“Grief doesn’t vanish when ignored—it transforms when faced. Healing begins the moment you stop running and turn toward the storm.”
I’m going to start this article with an upfront question. Ready? How many years have you pushed down horrible memories, or made a blanket statement over your trauma, “It’s fine…it’s ok, that was so long ago”?
I echoed this lie for 30 years. For 3 long decades, I built a wall, wore a mask and pretended my sexual abuse was no big deal. I was revictimized multiple times and still said the same thing.
You may not think we need to define grief, but walk with me on this one…Grief is the confrontation of unanswered questions, unfulfilled dreams. It’s a confrontation of memories, and moments: moments you had or moments you wish you had.
When storms roll into our lives, grief being one of the fiercest, we have a choice in how we face them. I’d like us to look at the animal kingdom: the cow and buffalo. Buffalo and cows handle storms very differently: cows run from the storm, but because they cannot outrun it, they end up moving with it—prolonging their suffering, stretching their pain, and physically exhausting themselves.
Buffalos, do something counterintuitive. They turn directly into the storm and run straight through it. By facing it head-on, they shorten the time spent in its chaos, move with purpose, and find strength in the herd beside them. Grief, like a storm, can overwhelm us if we keep running from it. But when we choose to face it—acknowledging the pain, pressing through the discomfort, and leaning on those around us—we find the storm does not last forever. Healing comes not by avoiding grief, but by walking straight through it with courage and faith.
Here’s the non-sugar coated reality: We don’t get to outrun grief, it ALWAYS catches up with us. It begs to be heard and handled, and if we refuse to face it, it’ll hunt us down.
Grief is a balance. Suppressed grief for an extended period of time can manifest into two struggles, first with a heart that bears the heavy weight of painful longing. Longing for relief, longing for better, but somehow it feels just out of reach. Or a heart that doesn’t want the future. Suppressed grief can bring about hopelessness. The Bible reminds us of this truth: hope delay makes the heart sick (Prov. 13:12)
If we're not careful young pain can become old bitterness. If we don’t deal with pain when it first arrives, with just a little time it can turn to bitterness. God lovingly warns us to not let a root of bitterness grow in us, that causes trouble and defiles (dishonor) many.
When avoiding the grief that surrounds your story, the question arises, how much more can you take before it breaks you? Get help. We can help. We invite you to explore our Shelter healing study for women—a safe space to delve deeper into your pain and discovery healing, and freedom is possible. And Renew for men which includes powerful teaching videos led by a licensed mental health counselor and a male facilitator who understands the unique challenges men face after sexual abuse.
Prayer: Dear Lord, I have a deep dread thinking about what has been done to me. I don’t want to deal with it. But the grief is too much to bear, too heavy to hold. Please give me strength to face it head-on. Please be with me, to comfort and protect me. I pray this in Jesus’s holy name, Amen.
