Who Is Carrying the Debt?
Trusting God With Justice
Forgiveness doesn't erase the debt. It changes who you're trusting to collect it.
Imagine someone robbed your home. Not just your television or your jewelry. Imagine they stole the irreplaceable things—your childhood, your innocence, your sense of safety, and your ability to trust.
Then imagine someone casually looks at you and says, "You just need to forgive."
You'd probably want to ask, Who's paying for what was taken?
That's one of the hardest questions survivors of childhood sexual abuse wrestle with because forgiveness can sound like someone is asking us to pretend the debt never existed.
But that isn't what God asks us to do.
Every abuse creates a debt that can never truly be repaid. No apology can restore lost years. No amount of regret can erase the trauma, and no earthly justice can completely return what was stolen.
So what does God do with a debt that feels impossible to collect?
He never ignores it. He never minimizes it, and He never asks us to call evil "good." Instead, He invites us to place that debt into His hands.
A Debt Only God Can Collect
When someone deeply wounds us, it's natural to long for justice. In fact, that desire reflects God's own heart. Scripture tells us that He loves justice. He sees every hidden act, every silent tear, and every wound no one else notices. Nothing escapes His attention.
Paul reminds us: "Beloved, do not avenge yourself, but rather give place (leave room) for God's wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19, NKJV)
Paul isn't saying justice doesn't matter. He's reminding us that justice belongs to the One who judges perfectly.
Forgiveness doesn't erase the debt. It changes who you're trusting to collect it.
Instead of spending years trying to collect a debt the offender may never repay, we entrust it to the God who promises that every wrong will ultimately be addressed in His perfect justice. That doesn't make the pain disappear, but it does free us from carrying a burden we were never meant to bear.
Healing and Forgiveness Walk Together
Many survivors believe they must somehow force themselves to forgive before they can begin healing. But what if we've been looking at it backwards? Healing and forgiveness often walk together.
As Jesus gently restores what abuse shattered, He also begins changing our hearts. The anger that once consumed us starts losing its grip. The bitterness that felt permanent slowly gives way to peace—not because we worked harder, but because God's healing power is transforming us from the inside out.
Forgiveness isn't something we manufacture through sheer determination. That's the difference between trying to forgive and experiencing a heart that God is transforming. Forgiveness that flows from a transformed heart is something the Holy Spirit grows within us as He heals what abuse has broken.
Like fruit growing on a healthy tree, forgiveness develops because of the life of Christ working within us. It cannot be rushed, forced, or faked. God is patient with the process.
Freedom Without Forgetting
Forgiveness does not mean the abuse didn't matter. It does not mean trust is automatically restored, nor does it remove the need for healthy boundaries or eliminate the need for justice.
Instead, forgiveness releases us from becoming lifelong collectors of a debt only God can settle perfectly.
True freedom comes when the offender no longer determines the condition of our heart—Christ does.
That doesn't mean we're free from every memory or painful consequence. It means we're no longer allowing yesterday's wounds to keep defining tomorrow.
Walking Forward in Hope
If forgiveness feels impossible today, don't lose heart. God isn't asking you to pretend you're healed. He's inviting you to walk with Him one step at a time. As He restores what has been broken, He will faithfully give you everything you need for the next step—including the grace to forgive.
Healing is a journey, and you don't have to walk it alone. One of the safest places to wrestle through questions like forgiveness is in community with others who understand your story. That's why we created Shelter From The Storm, our Christ-centered healing study for women who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. Led by trained facilitators, Shelter provides a safe place to process the pain of abuse, explore biblical truth, and discover what healing can look like one step at a time. If you're looking for a place to begin—or continue—your healing journey, I encourage you to learn more about our Women's Healing groups.
We also invite you to join us each month at The Watering, a welcoming community where survivors gather to find biblical encouragement, authentic connection, practical tools, and hope for the healing journey. Whether you're taking your first step or have been walking this road for years, you'll find a place where you are seen, heard, and supported.
If you'd like to continue your healing between gatherings or classes, we also encourage you to explore Reclaim Your Wholeness, our 40-day devotional created specifically for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Each day addresses real challenges survivors face while pointing readers to the unwavering hope, healing, and restoration found in Christ.
You can learn more about Reclaim Your Wholeness, browse our books, and discover additional healing resources by visiting our Resource Store.
No matter what has been taken from you, this remains true: the debt is real. God sees it. God will deal with it. And because of Him, your future no longer has to be defined by your past.
Prayer
Dear God,
You have given me so much love and forgiveness that I could never earn or deserve. I want to be obedient to Your command to forgive, but Lord, I'm struggling. I need Your help.
I keep coming back to the words of Jesus: "So why do you keep calling me 'Lord, Lord!' when you don't do what I say?" (Luke 6:46, NLT). I know I cannot forgive through willpower alone. I need a heart that You are transforming. My mind understands what You've asked of me, but my heart is still hurting.
Please create in me a clean heart. Bring my head and my heart into alignment. Reveal any root of bitterness that has taken hold, and gently heal the places that are still broken.
Thank You for Your patience with me. Thank You for never asking me to carry what only You can bear. Help me trust You with the debt and continue Your healing work in my life.
In Jesus' name, amen.
