The Old Whipping Post

You Don’t Have to Pick Up the Whip

We can continue giving ourselves those lashings—believing we will never measure up, continuing to condemn ourselves, continuing to live under the weight of shame. But that cycle will leave us where it has always left us: still at the whipping post.

We sat together last Sunday evening in our in-person Renew group. It was a full house, and we are still getting to know one another.

We are men with similar stories of sexual abuse as boys, now following Christ together in a community of healing.

We meet, and shame does not get to live in the room with us. Fear and guilt are brought into the light and spoken of openly as we dismantle together the lies we have built in our hearts.

It is a beautiful space.

Men continually say something like, “I can’t believe there is a place where I can talk about my story, not be judged or fixed, and talk about Jesus.”

One of the men shared that he was struggling again with some of the old coping patterns that have followed him as he has unpacked his story. He began beating himself up with words of disgust about his condition and his lack of healing.

As the leader, I started to redirect his words. But three men in the group stepped in and said, “Hey, brother. We don’t do that here. You are our brother. We have all done this to ourselves, and it only perpetuates the cycle of beating ourselves up.”

It reminded me of an old song by the Allman Brothers called “Whipping Post.” It was released in 1969.

The song is about a relationship, but the image of the whipping post can speak to something much deeper. Many of us have a complicated relationship with our own stories, especially when we are trying to heal.

The image is one of exhaustion and defeat.

Isn’t that what we can feel like sometimes on the healing journey?

I know I did. Countless times.

As I listened to my brothers speak to this man, I pictured what we can do to ourselves.

We tie ourselves to the whipping post.

And while we are tied there, another part of us walks over, picks up the whip, and begins lashing us with shame, condemnation, guilt, and every other accusation we can lay upon ourselves.

It is a painful image.

But isn’t this what we do when we say things like:

• “I can’t forgive myself.”

• “I deserve what happened because I wanted the abuse.”

• “I should have said something.”

• “I should have stopped it.”

Those words become like rocks, shards of glass, and metal woven into the whip as it tears across our backs.

We know this whip well.

For many of us, this has been a pattern since we were little boys—a pattern that has kept us isolated and trapped in the torment of our stories.

There is no hope in continuing this cycle. And yet, for many of us, it is the only thing we have known.

Take a holy pause here.

We know these thoughts too well. We know how difficult it can be to keep them from taking over our minds.

And this is where our faith becomes our pivot point.

A move from us to Him—Christ.

“Then he released Barabbas for them, and having scourged Jesus, delivered him to be crucified.” — Matthew 27:26

Jesus was whipped. Jesus endured what we could never endure for ourselves.

We can continue giving ourselves those lashings—believing we will never measure up, continuing to condemn ourselves, continuing to live under the weight of shame.

But after years and decades, that cycle will leave us where it has always left us.

Still at the whipping post.

Sometimes we can even dress it up in Christian language and wear a half-hearted smile while we do it. But this, my friends, is not faith. We are, in effect, acting as though our righteousness is something we can achieve for ourselves.

And it isn’t. Nor will it ever be.

We will never be righteous enough on our own. If we could make ourselves righteous, there would have been no need for Christ to come.

He knows we cannot make ourselves righteous.

That is why He came for us.

He endured the whipping. He carried what we could not carry.

And because of Christ, we do not have to keep picking up the whip.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” — Romans 8:1–2

This is where we renew our minds in Christ. We begin changing our thinking to align with His truth.

We learn to believe—to trust—to think and live from what is true about Christ and what He has done for us.

That is where we move from theory to transformation.

First in our hearts. Then in our minds. And eventually, in how we live.

What we believe about life is what we live.

We need Him. We need what He has done for us. And we need His grace and His love.

Men need safe places where others with similar stories can gather together, follow the same Jesus, and learn what it means to become whole.

So, brothers, come.

Come as you are.

And when you find yourself back at the old whipping post, remember:

You don’t have to pick up the whip.